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Title: Never Be The Same Again
Chapter: 20
Pairings: Zaylor
POV: Zac
Rating: PG-13
Warnings:
Word Count: 2618
Author's Note: Kinda long, but meh... Sorry it took so long!


I wake up slowly, gradually, not even opening my eyes for a while. The sun is warm on my face, and I feel the weight of someone's arm draped over my side, hugging me around my waist. I smile; of course it's Tay. Memories of last night float lazily through my mind, making me blush and grin wider. I lean my head back, feeling Tay's breath on my neck. I carefully turn over, trying not to wake him, and finally open my eyes.

He's so beautiful when he's sleeping. Well, he's always beautiful, really. It's strange, feeling free enough to admit that. And yet, I do. I reach forward and run my fingers gently through his hair, down to his jawline, my thumb brushing against his lips. He smiles in his sleep, and hugs me tighter. I smile back, before leaning over and gently kissing him. I watch as his eyes flutter, then open, and all I can see is how blue they are.

"Morning," I say softly, stoking his cheek and kissing his nose. He giggles, and kisses mine in return.

"Morning to you, too." He releases me and stretches; I let my eyes roam over his body, feeling no shame. It's so weird, feeling so comfortable with looking at him like this. I've been forcing myself to feel awkward about it, convincing myself that I didn't want to, that I didn't love staring at the way his muscles flexed, or the way he would smirk as he worked out the kinks in his neck and back. But now, I feel totally at ease, totally natural, as I take in the sight.

"You hungry?" I know I'm starving, but Tay doesn't always eat that much in the mornings. But today he smiles at me and nods. I bite my lip as I watch him, watching me. I know it's my fault that we haven't always been this comfortable with each other, but now, it almost feels like the awkwardness of the past never happened. Shaking my head slightly, I drag myself out of bed and head for the kitchen, hearing Tay follow.

"I'll make the coffee," I offer, and he nods appreciatively. I've never been much of a coffee drinker, but he's addicted to the stuff. I guess I'm like that with soda, though, especially Dr. Pepper. I start the coffee maker, adding an extra scoop; I know he likes it strong. Once the machine is churning away, I dig around the kitchen, pulling out some eggs and bacon. I may not be as good a cook as Tay, but I can hold my own.

"I'd better text Ike," I hear Tay say from behind me. I nod, feeling an uncomfortable knot of guilt. I shouldn't have worried him, or Tay. But you can't exactly predict when you're going to have a total mental breakdown, and it's even harder to be social in the midst of one. A few minutes later, I hear my cell phone ringing in the living room.

"I'll finish up; you should probably get that." I nod to Tay as he nudges me out of the way, our fingers brushing as he takes the spatula from my hand. I hesitate for a second, then give him a peck on the cheek; I see him blush just before I turn away, rushing to answer my phone.

"Hey Ike."

"Zac! Where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick! Are you okay?" I almost laugh at how freaked out my oldest brother is, but I feel too guilty to be too amused.

"I've been here, and I'm okay now. Thanks to Tay." I take a deep breath, and Isaac waits for me to explain. "I wasn't... okay, before. I had kind of a melt-down. But I'm okay now. Better than okay, actually," I add with a smile, looking over at Tay.

"Zac... Taylor told me what happened. At the party. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yea. I'm good. Tay and I had a long talk; well, first he nursed me back to health. Then we talked. Well, I talked, mostly. I did a lot of thinking the past few days. You know how were telling me how me and Tay are like... two halves of the same person? Well, I thought a lot about that. And about how close Tay and I are. And a lot of other things. And..." I stop myself before going on. Just how much should I tell him? Comfortable or not, this is still... unusual at best. Not to mention kind of illegal. That thought sends a chill through me, as the reality of what I'm doing starts to set in.

"Zac? You there?" I clear my throat, looking around nervously.

"Yea, I'm here. Sorry, just... thinking."

"Don't hurt yourself." We share a laugh, and I'm grateful for the distraction.

"Well hey, Tay's making breakfast, but why don't we meet up at the studio afterwards?"

"Yea, sounds good. It's really good to hear you're okay. I was really worried about you. Tay was, too." I'm touched by the concern in his voice. How did I get so lucky, to have not one, but two amazing brothers?

"Thanks." We say our goodbyes and hang up, and I return to the kitchen. I stand behind Taylor and wrap my arms around him, leaning my head between his shoulders. He leans his head back against mine, and somehow I know he's smiling. The unease of a few minutes ago is forgotten, as I simply hold the man I love.

Strange, how normal that feels, coming from me.

* * *

"He lives," Ike jokes as Tay and I walk through the door. Tay laughs uneasily; he knows how close I came to not living, but I know he won't tell Isaac that. We hang out for a bit, making small talk, before settling at our instruments. We weren't really planning on rehearsing, but it just happens. Ike starts strumming as we talk, then Tay will play a couple of notes, followed by a few more, and soon enough I pick out a rhythm. Before long we're jamming, rocking out, laughing and having fun. It feels better than I can say.

Every now and then Tay will catch my eye, or I'll catch his, and we'll smile. Tay blushes, looking away shyly. He's such a girl sometimes, but I can't deny it's adorable. But he gives me plenty of very non-girly looks, too; ones that have me blushing, remembering last night, or imagining future... activities. I never would have dreamed that I'd want to do things like that to another guy, but here I am, picturing steamy scenes that almost make me lose the beat.

"So... what's up with you two today?" I look at Ike suddenly, surprised and a bit afraid of his question. Tay and I glance at each other, and then back to him.

"What do you mean?" Tay replies, feigning innocence. He's good at that; too good, sometimes, I think with a smile. Ike smirks and rolls his eyes.

"You've been giving each other these... looks... all day. Anything... interesting happen yesterday?" There's an all-too-knowing gleam in my oldest brother's eyes, and I squirm in my seat. Tay didn't tell him what he did, did he? No, he wouldn't do that; he doesn't kiss and tell anyone, so I highly doubt he'd gush about our little tryst.

"Um, no... not really. I mean, we talked. But that's about it." Tay's voice is almost calm, his tone almost relaxed. Ike raises an eyebrow, nodding slowly.

"Right. Okay. I must be seeing things. Not like you two are, I don't know, totally in love with each other or anything." My eyes go wide, as do Tays. The room is completely silent for a full minute. And then, Ike bursts out laughing.

"I- we- but-" Tay's stammering only makes Ike laugh harder. I think I'm going to burst into flames, my face feels so warm. I turn slowly and face Isaac, and he looks seriously at me, his laughter dying.

"Zac... Remember what I told you? I love you, both of you. And I want you to be happy. No matter what." Is he seriously saying what I think he is? I glance at Tay, who looks as shocked as I feel.

"Ike..." Tay's voice is soft, his tone unsure.

"Look, guys. Is it weird? Yes. Is it considered wrong by both our society, and our religion? Yes. Is it illegal in most states? Yes." I wince with every remark Ike makes, sighing in relief when Tay cuts him off.

"Okay, can you skip to the part that's supposed to make us feel better?"

"You two are meant for each other." Ike's words, and the certainty of his tone, hit me hard, and I let out a breath. "And as... unusual as it is, I'm okay with it. I've watched you guys over the years, how close you are, how much you do for each other. I guess it never really weirded me out, because I saw it progress naturally. To me, it's just how things have always been. I've seen how happy you guys are together, and how unhappy you are when you're not." Isaac takes a deep breath; all three of us are silent for a minute, the gravity of his words settling on us.

"So, I'm behind you guys, one hundred percent. No matter what you decide to do. Whether you want to try to keep things platonic, or go ahead and be together, I'll support you. Whatever it takes to make you happy." There are tears in Tay's eyes, as well as mine, and even Ike's eyes are misting. I get up from my seat at the same time as Tay; we glance at each other and smile as we walk over to our older brother. He puts his arms out, and the three of us hug each other tightly.

"I love you guys. You know that. Just not the same way," Ike jokes, and we all laugh. "But just as much." There was a lot of sniffling, laughing, and hugging, as we spend the rest of the day just hanging out. I can't remember the last time I've felt so proud to be a part of this band, this family. I know the hardest part is still to come, but I feel a lot safer knowing that at least we have Isaac with us, no matter what.

* * *

It's been a couple of weeks since my little breakdown, and things are good. Better than good, really. Tay and I haven't had a whole lot of alone time, because we've been so busy; Fool's Banquet is coming up, so we're trying to get things organized for that. Plus there's been interviews, a photo shoot, and rehearsals. But tonight it's just the two of us; I guess you could call it our "first date", even though we're not actually going out.

I pull into his driveway a few minutes before six, taking a few deep breaths before getting out of the car. I have to admit, I'm a bit nervous as I walk to the front door. I've never dated a guy before, obviously, so I'm a little thrown off. Usually I'm great at first dates, but not only is it a guy, it's Taylor. It's like, dating your best friend. Who is also a dude. But I can do this. My hand shakes slightly as I knock on the door, shifting from one foot to the other as I wait. A few seconds later, I'm greeted by Tay's smiling face, and suddenly I'm not nearly as nervous.

"Hey, come on in. You, uh... you look great," he says softly, blushing a bit. I feel myself blush, too; I did put a good amount of effort into how I look tonight. I'd taken almost an hour to get dressed, finally settling on a pair of dark jeans and a black button-down shirt. I looked over Tay's own clothes, grey slacks and a light blue shirt.

"You too," I reply, hanging my leather jacket on the hook by the door. I follow him into the living room, where he hands me a glass of red wine.

"Dinner's almost ready. I made your favorite, beef stroganoff." I smile, taking a sip of my drink. I'm not big on wine, but I do enjoy a glass now and then with meals. Tay heads off to the kitchen, and I make my way to the dining room. The table is all set, and there are a pair of candles burning in the middle. How romantic, I think to myself, smiling. A minute later, Tay comes in carrying a couple of serving dishes; one with the main course, and another with steamed green beans.

"Have a seat; I just need to get the bread." I take one of the set places, filling my plate. It smells delicious, and my mouth is already watering. Tay is an amazing cook; I've always said that whoever he ends up with is going to have to be okay with not being skinny. That might end up being me, I think to myself, and instantly blush. I haven't done too much thinking about the future yet; but the thought isn't an unpleasant one.

"What's got you in such a good mood?" I look up at Tay as he takes his seat, setting a basket of rolls between us. I smile and hold my glass out towards him.

"You." We clink glasses lightly, smiling at each other. Tay's eyes are sparkling in the candlelight, his cheeks slightly pink, and I don't think I've ever seen him look so beautiful. As we eat, the silence is easy and comfortable, and my mind keeps wandering to my earlier thought. This is just the beginning, and I have no idea where it might lead. I rarely put much thought towards the future of my relationships, especially on the first date, but tonight I can't help it.

I think about where we are now, how far we've come, and where we may end up. As brothers, as a band. As a couple. None of my relationships have ever lasted very long, with the one unfortunate exception. But this... I feel like this could really go somewhere. I feel like I want it to go somewhere. Where exactly, I don't know, but I can't imagine it ending. We've known each other so long, it almost feels like we're already married. But... what if this changes things?

My thoughts turn from comforting, to concerning. I've known people who dated their best friends, only to have it end in broken hearts. What if that happens to us? What will it mean for the band? Are we jeopardizing everything?

""What's wrong?" I look up at Tay, feeling guilty that he noticed my worried expression. At first, I don't want to tell him, but this is something important. I set my fork down, and look at him seriously.

"Tay... what if this doesn't work out? What if we don't work out? I don't want to destroy everything we have." Tay's expression falls, matching mine. He looks away for a minute, taking a sip of his wine. When he looks at me again, though, he smiles reassuringly.

"Zac. I don't know what's going to happen. But we need to see where this goes. You and I both know how miserable we are when we're apart."

"I'm not saying we need to separate. But, maybe we should just, I don't know, go back to how things were." Tay looks at me sadly.

"Is that what you want?" I think for a moment. Is it? could go back to how things were, not knowing what I know now. Not knowing how I feel about you." Tay smiles, nodding.

"Well how about this. Let's take things what step at a time. And, if things seem like they aren't going well, we'll try to go back to how things were, before things get too bad. Okay?" I nod slowly. It sounds like a good plan, I guess. I still don't like the thought of not being with Tay, though.

"Okay. I don't want you to think I'm doubting this, though. It's just, well... I've never really had someone I could see a future with. Until now." I feel my cheeks burning, and look down, finishing my drink. When I look up, Tay's eyes are glistening.

"Zac..." I smile at him, standing and walking over to him. He stands just as I reach him, and we pull each other into a tight embrace. I don't know how long this will last, but I'm determined to make it last as long as possible. Now that I have Taylor, really have him, I don't ever want to let go.

Date: 2011-11-29 04:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tishabit.livejournal.com
glad Zac did the 180 and gave in to his feelings. I'm really liking Ike in this too.. so good. Can't wait for what's next.

Date: 2011-11-29 05:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bittersweet-luv.livejournal.com
Oh wow, this is just the most beautiful chapter so far! The love is radiating everywhere. I'm so happy about isaac. He's amazing in this. Hope this continues in a positive fashion with lots of hot sex :-D

Date: 2011-11-30 12:53 am (UTC)

Date: 2011-11-30 06:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/thumbcut_/
aww, ike's a good brother! :)

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