ahopper84

just a thought i had, inspired by the disappointing lack of corey/shawn slash out there. i find out this pairing exists, and get all excited, only to discover how few fics there actually are. bummer. anyway here. shawn's POV, set some undetermined length of time after season 4 episode 15.

I’ll never admit it to anyone, but part of me liked being Veronica. Not because I want to be a girl. Because for once, you looked at me, like I look at you, when you aren’t looking at me. You smiled at me differently. You spoke to me differently. You made me feel… like it would be okay to feel about you the way I do every other day, the way I’ve felt about you since before I knew what it meant. Like it would be okay to tell you how much I think about you, how much you mean to me. How lost I’d be without you. How empty I feel when you go off with her, and I go off with the her-of-the-week.

I don’t let myself think about it much. You’re happy. And if you’re happy, I’m happy. Mostly. But maybe, just maybe, once in a while, when I’m all alone… I wonder what it would be like, if you looked at me every day, the way you looked at me when I was Veronica. Maybe it makes me smile a little. Maybe it makes me punch a wall. Maybe it makes me have to close my eyes, and bury my face in the pillow, but not cry, because Shawn Hunter doesn’t cry over girls, and he’s not going to cry over you. At least that’s what I tell myself, as the not-tears soak my pillow.

Sometimes I wish I was Veronica. Because then, it would be okay to love you.