ahopper84

Confession time: I am not a faithful husband. I never have been, nor was I a faithful boyfriend. I’ve never had a lover that made me swear off all others. That isn’t to say I’ve never been in love; I love my wife, in a way. I’ve had people in my life that I loved so deeply it hurt. But that has nothing to do with my desire to sleep around.

For me, sex and love have never been mutually inclusive. Well, that’s not entirely true. I can’t really say I love someone - in the romantic sense, at least - if I don’t want to sleep with them. But the reverse isn’t necessarily true. There’ve been plenty of people, most in fact, that I’ve only wanted one thing from. I don’t lie about it and lead people on, though. That’s one thing I can feel proud of, at least. I’ve never intentionally broken anyone’s heart.

I don’t know what it is that draws me to it, but there’s nothing more exciting than the pursuit, the hunt, the challenge. Whatever you like to call it. The act of charming your way into someone’s bed, or them into yours. It’s intoxicating, really. And the variety, the way no two lovers are the same, from the first smile to the last goodbye and everything. Every person is a new puzzle to be solved, a new treasure chest to be unlocked and explored.

The need for discretion is just another twist to the challenge, another obstacle to make things interesting. The fact that so many people think I’m the model husband could be seen as a testament to my skill, but I don’t let it go to my head. I’ve just had plenty of practice, and I choose my partners carefully. No fans, no matter how hard they throw themselves at me; too risky, and too easy. It’s no fun when you don’t have to work for it.

No, I keep my search close to home. The hipster bars and packed clubs of Tulsa may not be the most diverse pool to draw from, but there’s enough to keep me coming back. Sometimes I’ll go out when we’re on tour abroad, crossing the language barrier without words. That’s always the hardest challenge, but can sometimes be the most rewarding. I have fond memories of more than one moonlit balcony overlooking some quiet corner of some ancient city.

But as I’ve said before, I love my wife, as much as can be expected. Yes, we played Russian roulette and lost, but we’ve made the most of it. She knows the kind of man I am, and she’s made her peace with it. She’s the mother of my children, and the place I’ve called home for the last fifteen years. How could I not love her? I may not be in love with her, but I doubt she’s in love with me either, if she ever was.

It’s not nearly as sad as it sounds, though. I’m as happy as can be expected. I like to think she’s happy; if she wasn’t, I trust that she’d tell me. She’s got the freedom to go out and find a lover of her own if she wants. I’d be a hypocrite If I expected her to be faithful to an unfaithful man, after all. She’s yet to take me up on that, as far as I know. But then, it’s not like I tell her about all my conquests, so who knows?

It may not be a typical arrangement, but it works for us. It’s not really that different, though. We have a beautiful family, a house filled with love and laughter. We have a deep connection that we’ve cultivated over years of dirty diapers and busy schedules. We sometimes have our petty arguments about dirty dishes and wet towels on the floor. And at night, we have passionate, fulfilling sex. Just sometimes not with each other.

I know there are plenty of people that would judge us for it, me for sleeping around, her for condoning my behavior. But we’ve had many, many long talks about it, and the truth is, neither of us care. As long as we don’t do anything stupid, we trust each other to do what comes naturally to us. How many species are monogamous? Hint, it’s not that many. We were born with instincts, with needs. And while we’ve evolved the ability to ignore these primal urges because society tells us to, I’ve always found it silly.

I’m not saying you should bonk every hot girl you see on the head and drag her back to your cave. But if two consenting adults decide they’d like to physically connect for an hour or two, and then go their separate ways, who is this really hurting? No one. I wish more people could realize that, and I think acceptance for it is on the rise, however slowly.

As for Oklahoma… not so much. So my wife and I put on the best of appearances, I keep my affairs hush-hush, and we go about our lives. I don’t even know if my brothers know, although I’m pretty sure they suspect. The wives tend to chat, so it wouldn’t surprise me. But they’ve never said anything about it; not that it’s their business, but I wouldn’t blame them.

So when fans ask each other if I’m a “happily married man” or if I play around - I’ve been around the internet long enough, I know where to look - they’re right on both counts. Yes, I am happy with my wife. Yes, I do technically cheat on her. I can’t exactly tell them that, but it’s even less their business than it is my brothers’. If I could say one thing to them, though, it’d be this: Don’t worry about me, I’m perfectly happy with the life I’ve chosen.

Also - stop hating on the fanfiction writers. Not my cup of tea, but who am I to judge what gets someone else off?