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Moonlight Mile - 2
Title: Moonlight Mile
Author: Amber (ahopper84)
Chapter: 2/?
Word COunt: 1999
Rating: R/NC-17
Genre: Romance, angst, drama
Warnings: none yet...
Summary: Hanson the band is no more; Taylor walked away from that life a long time ago, after having a hand in its destruction. But when Zac suddenly reappears in his life, looking to reconnect, maybe Taylor can learn to forgive himself, and find that some things happen for a reason.
Excerpt:I get the feeling we’re not talking about the lack of Christmas cards and phone calls anymore.
A/N: Hey guys, sorry for the long wait. Hope it's worth it, though!
My alarm goes off at five, and for a few minutes I can’t remember why. My initial thought is school, but I remember that graduation was yesterday. I lay in bed, staring bleary-eyed at the clock, as if it can give me the answer. But then I hear the faint sound of snoring coming from the living room, and I smile. Zac. Zac is here, and we’re leaving for our big road trip.
I sit up slowly, stretching, listening to all the pops and cracks in my back and neck. I’m getting old, and I hate it, but that’s life. I get out of bed and throw on my jeans, then pad out to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. Zac doesn’t drink it, but I can barely function until I have some caffeine in my system. Once it’s brewing, I head out to the living room to wake up my brother.
He looks so peaceful; I crouch down, taking my time looking at him. His face isn’t as full as it used to be, but his jaw is stronger, more defined. His long lashes flutter against his cheeks; his freckles stand out more now, still faint but more apparent than they once were. The hair that surrounds his full lips somehow makes them seem even fuller, the corners pulled in the hint of a smile.
He opens his eyes, and I feel my own cheeks turn red. He blushes, too, then turns his whole body away and pulls the blanket over his head. I’m not sure what he has to be embarrassed about; I was the one being a bit of a creep.
“Go ‘way,” he whines. His voice is muffled by the blanket, but I can practically hear him grinning.
“C’mon, Zac,” I laugh, pulling his shield away. “You said five, and that was…” I pause and glance at the clock; it’s later than I thought, and I wonder how long I sat there, staring at my sleeping brother. “Almost five thirty,” I finish, looking back at him. He glares at me with one eye open, but groans and sits up anyway.
“At least we got your bags in the car last night.”
“Want me to make breakfast?” I ask as I follow him into the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee.
“Nah, we’ll just grab something on the road. I wanna fuel up one more time anyway, start with a full tank.” He opens the fridge and gets out the orange juice, drinking straight from the bottle; he catches me watching and gives me a sheepish grin, but I don’t really mind.
“Sounds good.” I smile and take another sip of my coffee. I look out the window; it’s still dark outside, the moon hanging low on the horizon. “So where are we headed, anyway?”
“Dunno,” Zac answers with a shrug, and I look at him curiously. “Pick a direction; we’ll drive until we gotta start heading back, then turn around and go a different way than we came.”
I stare at him for a moment, then laugh. It’s a little crazy, and totally Zac. He was always the spontaneous one, the one coming up with crazy ideas for pranks, or just things to do when we were bored on the road or in the studio. I wish I’d said yes to more of those ideas. I shake my head to fight off yet another round of regretful thoughts.
“I always wanted to check out Route 66,” I tell him. “All the little stops that used to be big before they built the freeways, you know?”
“Yeah, that sounds cool.” Zac grins, nodding. “We can take that all the way up to Chicago.”
“I heard the Hard Rock there is really good, we should check it out.”
“Didn’t we do a show there once?” Zac furrows his brow and bites his lip. “No, that was the House of Blues, huh?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Seems like forever ago,” Zac says, his eyes unfocused. I wonder what he’s thinking about, if he’s remembering the good times or the not-so-good. I hope it isn’t the latter, but the way he sighs, slowly and heavily, makes me doubtful.
“Yeah…” I don’t know what else to say, what to do to make things right. This trip will help though, I think. I step closer and put a hand on his shoulder; he eyes me, as if he doesn’t trust me, and it sends a sharp pain through my chest.
“Zac, I... “ I lick my lips, trying to find words, but come up empty. “I’m glad you’re here,” I say finally; it feels like trying to put a band-aid on a stab wound, but it’s all I have. But Zac smiles up at me anyway, closes his eyes and leans his head on me, covers my hand with his own.
“Me too.”
We stand like that for a moment, and it feels nice. It feels nice to have someone lean on me, to feel another human’s touch, however innocent; it’s been awhile, a long while. And even though it’s my brother, a part of me clings to this moment of even slight intimacy. But I pull away; it was bad enough he caught me watching him sleep, and he doesn’t need to know how starved for company I really am. But maybe it’s not just me; he tries to hide it, but I see the momentary pout when I step back.
“Alright, well let me just get a shirt on and we’ll hit the road.”
“Cool.” Zac grins at me and nods; I set my cup in the sink and head to my bedroom to finish getting dressed. I hear him washing my cup for me, and I smile. A few minutes later I do a last check of the house, running down the list of essentials--wallet, cell phone, keys--in my head.
“Okay, let’s roll.”
------
We’ve been on the road for a couple hours now; the sun is fully over the horizon now, high enough to not be right in our eyes. The cd we had on stopped about thirty miles ago, but neither one of us has moved to restart it or put in another. We’ve gone quiet, but it’s a comfortable silence. Every now and then we glance at each other and smile.
“Thanks again,” Zac says after a while. “For coming with me. I didn’t know if you’d be able to… or if you’d want to.”
“Zac…” I bite my lip; of course he would think that. How long has it been since we’ve talked? I haven’t exactly reached out to him; granted, it goes both ways, but still. “I know I haven’t really been there, and… and I’m sorry. I can’t… I don’t really have a good excuse. Guess I’m just a shitty brother,” I added, half to myself. It was true, after all.
“No, Tay. I get it, really. You’ve got your own life here, you don’t need me getting in the way.”
“That’s no excuse. I should have written, called. I should’ve been better.” I let out a sigh and run a hand through my hair; the scenery passes by, but I barely see it, staring instead at my half-transparent reflection in the window. “You deserved better.”
“So did you,” Zac says softly. I glance over at him but his eyes are on the road. I get the feeling we’re not talking about the lack of Christmas cards and phone calls anymore.
“But hey,” he says suddenly, grinning at me. “You’re here now, and I’m here, and we’re gonna have fun on this trip. Right?”
“Right,” I agree, smiling. “So what’ve you been up to, anyway? Still painting?”
“Yeah, there’s a gallery that shows my stuff and handles the sales. It’s not bad; I set my own schedule, and you’d be surprised how much rich old dudes will pay for something, as long as they think it’s ‘deep’.” He laughs and shakes his head; I think he doesn’t give himself enough credit, but then he never did.
“Maybe we can swing by before I have to go home. I’d love one of your pieces.”
Zac laughs at that, and I’m not entirely sure why, but he nods.
“Yeah, I think we can do that. I’m not taking your money, though.”
“We’ll see,” I say, smiling. “So, you seeing anyone?”
“Oh, um… sort of.” He glances at me without turning his head, and bites his lip. “It’s kind of… complicated.”
“How so?”
“Well…” He clears his throat and glances at me again, and I have a feeling I’ve touched a nerve.
“I’m sorry, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“No, it’s fine. It’s just a little… hard to explain. Okay, so I have this… friend… who stays with me. And we… well, we’re not exactly dating, but…”
“Gotcha,” I say, blushing a little. “Nothing wrong with that.”
I almost wish I had a… friend… like that. It isn’t that I don’t get lonely; of course I do, more than I like to think about sometimes. But it’s just not worth it to me, the hassle of dealing with who I used to be. It always comes up, and it’s always either ‘I used to love you’ or ‘I used to hate you’ and neither one is a good basis for a relationship, romantic or otherwise.
“How ‘bout you?”
“Oh, um, no. Nothing like that. I mean, work keeps me pretty busy, so…” It’s a lousy excuse and a bold-faced lie, and I’m not at all surprised that Zac doesn’t look like he believes me.
“So, nothing? Dating? Friends with benefits?”
“Nope. Just enjoying the bachelor life.” I try to laugh it off, but he still looks concerned. Is it really that surprising? I already went through being married once; granted, it was a sham based on a pregnancy I was ‘supposedly’ responsible for, but still. Plus, I may not exactly be ‘famous’ anymore, but I still have a lingering fear that any private relationships I might have won’t stay private for very long.
“I couldn’t do that,” Zac says, shaking his head. “Too much quiet. Leaves too much room for thinking, ya know?” He gives a lopsided grin, but I can see the shadow that passes over his eyes. I know exactly what he means. “But hey, as long as you’re happy.”
“Yeah…” I’m not happy, though. I haven’t been happy in a long time. I’m not exactly unhappy, I just… I’m content, I guess. Nothing exciting going on in my life, but that’s fine with me. I’m good with just existing. At least, that’s what I try to tell myself as I lay in bed at night, staring at the ceiling.
I look at Zac; so much for nothing exciting. But I’m glad he’s here. If anyone can shake me out of my rut, it’s him. I didn’t even really know I needed it, but now that we’re together, I know I do. I want to be happy again, not just settling for the bare minimum. I want to have fun again, to really laugh, to enjoy life instead of just passing from one day to the next.
It’s just a road trip, just a short vacation; but to me it feels like more than that. I want to tell him that, but I don’t know how. But when he smiles at me, with so much warmth and familiarity, I think he knows.
“I really am glad you’re here,” he says, pulling the thoughts from my mind. He always was good at that.
“Me too.”
He reaches down and turns on the radio, finding a classic oldies song we both used to love. We smile at each other again. This trip is exactly what I needed. What we both needed. I guess what it comes down to, is what we really needed… was each other.
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I'm so excited about this trip. Really looking forward to see what adventures awaits for them on the road. 😊
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